WASHINGTON, DC: In an unprecedented move, top Department of Defense officials have declared that effective today, PowerPoint cannot be used in any branch of the US Military. This comes after years of public derision over slides such as the one shown above, which was universally mocked by the design community, technical journals and people of good taste all over the Internet.
“After years of putting up with nonsensical graphics, 8-point text, complex tables and bullet-pointed slides, we decided that enough was enough,” said General Joseph Dunford Jr., Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “I mean, how ridiculous is it that we’ve been agonizing over eye chart slides for so long which ultimately don’t make any sense and help no one?”
All branches of the US Military are united in this decision and will no longer be using PowerPoint in any capacity. The work has now begun to transfer all existing PowerPoint presentations into searchable databases that officials believe will be infinitely more useful than slides ever were.
While the bold move left many scratching their heads, others were quick to praise the decision.
“It’s about time!” exclaimed Ronald Bartlett, former US Navy SEAL. “I mean, it was hard enough to prepare for missions and carry them out, but the real struggle came when I had to create a PowerPoint for the debrief. Man, I’d rather count all the grains of sand in the Middle East than put together just one lousy slide! Wish they’d done this when I was active duty.”
“PowerPoint makes us stupid,” declared noted statistician and data visualization expert Edward Tufte. “I’ve been telling people this for years, and now finally someone’s doing something about it. I couldn’t be happier.”
It remains to be seen what the long-term effects of this decision will be. For now, the feeling is one of cautious optimism.